The day after - "A Boxing Day Lament"

Abandon….

saddened, perplexed, trying to grow, keep it all together.

if I desensitize it helps, medication is not a viable alternative.

it’s not that I want to be the boss, I don’t think so!?
sometimes I’d like to know the answers…
it doesn’t have to be “happy-clappy”, but I do like feeling good, even if I’m
singing along in a minor key.

it’s probably good that I am feeling, sometimes weeping…
the young dad’s child pulled from his arm during the tornado
the young teen’s mom’s cancer leaving them apart
the other teen’s parents splitting, leaving many tears, most bottled up
we don’t want tears messing up the floor, smearing the make-up

when I was in the rehab hospital, some patient’s credo was – “life’s a bitch and then you die.."
most of them had lost something, usually use of their faculties, or a limb, but mostly their sense of completeness, independence, image of self, probably even hope…

losing is a hard one: a child’s innocence – sexual abuse; family disintegration – genocide

I would still rather love and lose that love than not love at all

My head knows that you God shout to me in my pain, that in fact when I am stripped to bare bones, my options are limited, but embracing you and being embraced by you is one.

I’ve got to figure this out for myself – ultimately
the smug – “just believe” doesn’t suffice…
the play safe, hedge your bets is a lame alternative.

I can’t solve all the stuff, imagine me thinking I could?
But I do want to be an agent of your light, to be present and engaged…

I look at the cross and I know you know…

Into your hands I commend my soul.

I believe....

A Franciscan Benediction

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

Amen

I thank God for my poetry-loving son-in-law - this poem's for you John McAlister!

I am praying again, Awesome One.
You hear me again, as words
from the depths of me
rush toward you in the wind.

I’ve been scattered in pieces,
Torn by conflict,
mocked by laughter,
washed down in drink.

In alleyways I sweep myself up
out of garbage and broken glass.
With my half-mouth I stammer you,
who are eternal in your symmetry.
I lift to you my half-hands
in wordless beseeching, that I may find again
the eyes which I once beheld you.

I am a house gutted by fire
where only the guilty sometimes sleep
before the punishment that devours them
hounds them out into the open.

I am a city by the sea
sinking into a toxic tide.
I am strange to myself, as though someone unknown
had poisoned my mother as she carrie me.

It’s here in all the pieces of my shame
that now I find myself again.
I yearn to belong to something, to be contained
in an all-embracing mind that sees me
as a single thing.
I yearn to be held
in the great hands of your heart –
oh let them take me now.
Into them I place these fragments, my life,
and you, God – spend them however you want.

(Rainer Maria Rilke – “Love poems to God”)

All will be well....

A Prayer for the Dawn

Dear God:

Someone once said: “Learning to weep, learning to keep vigil, learning to wait for the dawn. Perhaps this is what it means to be human.”

Thank you for whoever said it, and teach me, I pray, how to live it.

Teach me how to weep without drowning in self-pity.

Teach me how to keep vigil even when I’m shivering in the dark.

And teach me how to wait for the dawn without the belting optimism of someone who hasn’t been through the night...

All will be well.

From Yancey, Philip - "Prayer - does it make any difference?"

Yancey always rings the bell, and his new one looks good.

Chapter on "Just as you are" - and the fact God loves honesty. HE says bring it on - don't flee.

"We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us." (C.S. Lewis)

Or put another way:

"We must trust God with what God already knows" - don't flee - fall forward - he knows, he welcomes us!

A Prayer for Incarnation

Ken Gire, one of my favourite devotional writers muses on the powerful, evocative memory of fresh bread emanating from the bakery.

He then talks of Jesus the bread of life who sustains and is present with people. We too can be present - this present is the best present you can give.

Help me, O God, To live the recipe
before I give the recipe.
Give me the kneading strength
to work the words into the doughy recesses of my life.
Help me to leave it alone a while
so it can rise.
Help me not to fear the oven
so it can bake.
And grant that in the baking,
the world would be able to roll down its window
and savour the aroma of freshly baked bread…

Ken Gire

God with us, in us. God in us, with others. May it be so!

Above all, yet with us - that's my King!

Friday evening headed down to Regent Park for Neighbourhood Christmas carolling. A chilly night, but our motley crew of musicians, and singers, and children passing out candy-canes proceeded through the neighbourhood. We finished up outside "No frills" - quite apt for our group. My mind thought of how surreal the whole scene was - an unusual group of people doing an unusual activity in an unusual neighbourhood.

Last night was at Roy Thompson Hall for the Sally Anne Christmas program - quite the contrast, another crew of musicians, and singers, in an unusual neighbourhood, singing and listening to some of the same carols.

God with us - in our formals at Roy Thompson, in our jeans and hoodies in Regent. God with us irrepective of our bank balance, I.Q. past failures, future hopes.

God with us....Jesus holding it all together, the inspiration which brings people together.

He was with us at our Divisional Youth Leaders conference - thanks for those who prayed.

Doesn't get rawer than having a baby in a stable - God with us, anywhere, everywhere. Picking us up when we fall, knowing us by name, speaking hope. That's our king!