The day after - "A Boxing Day Lament"

Abandon….

saddened, perplexed, trying to grow, keep it all together.

if I desensitize it helps, medication is not a viable alternative.

it’s not that I want to be the boss, I don’t think so!?
sometimes I’d like to know the answers…
it doesn’t have to be “happy-clappy”, but I do like feeling good, even if I’m
singing along in a minor key.

it’s probably good that I am feeling, sometimes weeping…
the young dad’s child pulled from his arm during the tornado
the young teen’s mom’s cancer leaving them apart
the other teen’s parents splitting, leaving many tears, most bottled up
we don’t want tears messing up the floor, smearing the make-up

when I was in the rehab hospital, some patient’s credo was – “life’s a bitch and then you die.."
most of them had lost something, usually use of their faculties, or a limb, but mostly their sense of completeness, independence, image of self, probably even hope…

losing is a hard one: a child’s innocence – sexual abuse; family disintegration – genocide

I would still rather love and lose that love than not love at all

My head knows that you God shout to me in my pain, that in fact when I am stripped to bare bones, my options are limited, but embracing you and being embraced by you is one.

I’ve got to figure this out for myself – ultimately
the smug – “just believe” doesn’t suffice…
the play safe, hedge your bets is a lame alternative.

I can’t solve all the stuff, imagine me thinking I could?
But I do want to be an agent of your light, to be present and engaged…

I look at the cross and I know you know…

Into your hands I commend my soul.